


Counting Up Your Demons

by nerdytardis



Category: Daredevil (Comics), Daredevil (TV), Marvel 616
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cancer Arc, Canon-Typical Violence, First Kiss, Kidnapping, Love Confessions, Major Illness, Multi, Pining, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-11 14:15:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5629411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdytardis/pseuds/nerdytardis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“While you’ve been off, running around being a superhero, I’ve been at the doctor’s…” Foggy’s breath hitched, “They’re running blood tests now,”</p><p>“Tests for what?” Matt’s voice had dropped to barely a whisper.  His pulse roared in his ears, and he was scared for a minute that he wouldn’t even hear Foggy’s answer.  </p><p>“…Cancer,”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry this is such a long note; please stick with me here. 
> 
> This is based in the comic universe (it's set after issue #15 of Mark Waid's DD run, for anyone who cares) but I tried to keep it simple enough that people who had only seen the show could still enjoy it. I'll clarify any specific changes between the two universes with each chapter. 
> 
> This isn't beta'd, so any mistakes are all mine. I read through it a million times, but there's still probably something I missed. Also, a little disclaimer, I know nothing about actual cancer treatment. The treatment isn't a huge part of the story, but I feel better just saying this here. 
> 
> The title is from the song "Everything's Not Lost" by Coldplay. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've read enough fics based in universes I wasn't totally familiar with to know how frustrating that can be. I don't want that to be a problem here, so here's a little backstory to what's going on:
> 
> Matt was kidnapped and taken to Latvaria (the country where Dr. Doom is from) and they take away all of his senses as punishment for stopping some plot of Dr. Doom's. He eventually escapes and is rescued by the Avengers, and in this AU he is only able to regain his normal senses, but not his super-ones. Dr. Hank Pym (aka Ant-Man, aka Giant-Man) is the guy who helps him regain his senses in the comics, but you'll read what happens here. 
> 
> Jeezes that's a lot of writing, but I hope it helps. :)

For almost as long as he could remember, Matt had hated cabs.  He could smell everything its previous users had left behind, and it was very rarely anything pleasant.  The seats were made from rough material and the engines were always poorly maintained and loud. 

But today was different; none of those things were bothering him in the least.      

It was driving him insane. 

He shuffled in his seat awkwardly.  No matter what he did to get comfortable, everything still felt muffled and alien, like he was stuck underwater and couldn’t get back to the surface. 

When he had first woken up, it had been grateful to feel anything at all.  After everything he had been through in Latveria, the clear sound of Hank Pym’s voice had been music to his ears. 

Then everything else had come crashing back into reality.

Hank said it was still possible that his heightened senses could return, but that he shouldn’t get his hopes up.  Originally, Hank had wanted Matt to stay right then so they could run some more preliminary tests and begin considering the options, but Matt just couldn’t deal with any of that right now.  There was one place he wanted to be, and it was not on a medical table. 

The cab finally pulled to a stop.  As he stepped onto the curb, he tried to block out the all his other thoughts, and focus on what was ahead of him. 

There was something very near to fear rolling around in his stomach as he walked into the office building.  He wanted to see Foggy so badly, but confronting him after disappearing for a week was never pretty. 

When he finally made it up to the office, he heard a gasp from the secretary. 

“Mr. Murdock?” She said, leaping up, “Where have you been?”

“Something came up,” He shrugged apologetically, and tried to look like the opposite of how he was feeling.  He heard a door open behind him and a frantic set of familiar footsteps coming towards him. 

“Matt?!” Foggy grabbed his shoulders, startling him.  It must have shown on Matt’s face because his friend instantly pulled back.  “Are you okay?  What happened?” Matt tried to look towards Foggy’s face but was having trouble pinpointing exactly where to look without the usual sounds of breathing. 

Foggy pulled them into his office, and sat Matt down in the nearest chair.  “Something’s really wrong, I can tell, and I’m guessing it’s connected to your whole crazy disappearing act,” He sat down across from Matt.  “The last I heard you were in some big fight in Times Square.  Please, don’t tell me you got yourself almost killed again,”

The memory of everything that had happened since that fight, the pain, the escape, the diagnosis, came flooding back unbidden.  It was too much. 

Matt reached out for his friend, finding his coat and latching on.  Foggy made a surprised noise, but let himself get pulled closer.  “Matty, please, tell me what happened.  I really need you right now,” Foggy said, “You can’t scare me like this,”

He didn’t need super powers to hear the fear and pain in Foggy’s voice.  It wasn’t the only thing he picked up on either. 

“What do you mean, you need me _right now_?” Matt drew back, his own problems forgotten for a second.  Foggy stood up, breaking Matt’s hold on his coat, and began to pace, running his hand over his face tiredly. 

“Matt, there’s something I need to tell you,” He said quietly. 

“Foggy…what’s going on?”

“While you’ve been off, running around being a superhero, I’ve been at the doctor’s…” Foggy’s breath hitched, “They’re running blood tests now,”

“Tests for what?” Matt’s voice had dropped to barely a whisper.  His pulse roared in his ears, and he was scared for a minute that he wouldn’t even hear Foggy’s answer. 

“…Cancer,”

The room fell into silence.  He let out a breath. 

In seconds he was across the room, wrapping Foggy in his arms.  His friend hugged back with the intensity of a man who needed this more than anything.  He latched onto the back of Matt’s suit, and buried his face in the crook of his neck. 

They stood like that for a while. 

It was then that Matt decided to not tell Foggy about his senses.  He had to be there for him, to support him, and not add his own problems to the mix.

“Foggy…I’m so sorry I disappeared,” Matt whispered, stroking a hand through his friend’s hair, “It won’t happen again, I promise,”

“Matty, it’s not like you’re abandoning me,” Foggy said, pulling back finally, “Saving the city and whatever else you do in your free time; it’s important,”

Matt placed his hand on either side of Foggy’s face, and said, “No Foggy, I need to be here for you, that’s what friends are supposed to do,”

Matt realized with a jolt that Foggy was probably smiling at him right now, trying to put on a strong face for his friend, and he felt his stomach drop.  He may never have been able to really see Foggy smile before, but at least he’d had an idea. 

He was never going have that again, and it was breaking his heart. 

Matt pulled Foggy close again so he could bury his face into his oldest friend’s coat and hide the pain he just knew he would never be able cover up.

\--

“I’m sorry Matt, but it doesn’t look good,” Hank Pym swiped through the images from his most recent scan of Matt’s brain.  Hope leaned over his shoulder and frowned slightly. 

“Are you sure?” she said, furrowing her brow in thought, “There has to be some way you can restart the synapses that became critically damaged,”

Matt fidgeted where he sat on the medical table, wishing someone would just cut to the chase.  Foggy’s appointment was this morning, and he _needed_ to be there.

“What time is it?” He asked impatiently. 

Hope glanced at the clock and said, “Almost nine,”

Matt hopped off the table and started to put his jacket back on.  “Thanks for everything you guys, but I really need to get going,” he said. 

Hank grabbed his cane as he reached for it, and said, “Matt, what’s the hurry?  Don’t you want to know your chances?” Matt turned to face him, and pulled his cane free with a quick tug. 

“I’m sorry, but you’ve already made it abundantly clear through that whole conversation you were just having as if I wasn’t in the room, that I’m not going to be able to resume my life anytime soon.  We’ll talk later Hank,” he turned and started to make his way towards the door.  “Now, if you would excuse me, I have a much more important appointment I have to get to,”

\--

“You made it,” Foggy said, looking up with a smile. 

“Of course,” Matt said, leaning against the waiting room wall, “I just had to pick up something first,” He held up a bag from Foggy’s favorite bakery, the only place in the whole city that would put cream cheese on _anything_ he ordered.

Foggy brightened up considerably at the sight, and instantly dug into his mayo and peanut butter cupcake.  Matt grinned at his friend, but was very glad that for once he didn’t have to smell whatever Foggy’s new favorite food was. 

“Thanks for that Matty,” Foggy said as he tossed the wrapper and bag into the trash, “You always know how to make me feel better,”

“That’s what happens when you’re around someone almost non-stop for as long as we have,” Matt said, “it’s basically like we’re married,”

“In your dreams Murdock,” Foggy laughed, pointing to himself and saying “Nobody’s pinning down this guy anytime soon,”

Matt’s grin dropped as a nurse walked in and told them to follow her.  His joke forgotten, Foggy took a deep breath and stood up.

“I’m sure everything will be fine,” Matt said, placing a steady hand on Foggy’s arm and trying his hardest to look into his eyes, “but I’m here for you no matter what,”

Foggy just nodded at him, then followed the nurse down the hallway, which suddenly seemed so much longer than it did before.   

\--

 “I’m so sorry,” the doctor said. 

Foggy put his head in his hands, while Matt placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

“I know this is very difficult to hear,” the doctor continued, “but we should start talking about treatment when you feel ready,”

Foggy nodded. “Yeah,” he said, his voice thick, “Okay,”  Matt started rubbing circles in Foggy’s back, trying to distract himself from his own emotions, as well as comfort his friend. 

If only he had been able to read the doctor, hear his heartbeat, he may have been able to prepare Foggy for the news.  He clenched his fist around his cane in frustration.  He was useless like this, unable to help the person that mattered the most when he really needed it. 

He tried to listen to the doctor, listing the possible treatments, explaining the next step, but he couldn’t focus.  He was straining too hard to hear Foggy’s heartbeat.  He wanted to know how he was doing, how well he was handling it. 

But all he heard was the air conditioning running loudly in the background and the doctor saying something about insurance. 

He started rubbing the circles in Foggy’s back again, and tried to pay more attention to what the doctor was saying. 

\--

Normally he hated hospitals because of the never ending noise and movement, the terrible smell and tasteless food.  Now he hated hospitals for an entirely different reason. 

Foggy had finally fallen asleep, and Matt was listening to his friend’s quite snores for a few moments, letting the sound fill the void normally filled with so many other noises. 

It hurt like hell to see him like this, and Matt would know.  After being shot, stabbed, and beaten more times than he could count, splashed with acid and even possessed, he could definitely say that nothing hurt more than when someone he loved suffered. 

He couldn’t help but think of Mila, Karen, and all the other people he hadn’t been able to save.  No matter how much he went through then, this still felt worse.  This time he couldn’t do _anything._ There was no way he could beat the villain responsible to a pulp, no possibility of swinging from building to building to escape his own thoughts.  Instead he was trapped on the ground, having to relearn the rules of his life. 

Matt reached forward and gently took Foggy’s hand in his own.  The reassuring feeling of something so familiar brought him back into the present. 

He turned back to the braille cancer support book Foggy’s doctor had found for him, and tried to read with one hand.  It was harder, but at the moment, he wouldn’t have let go of Foggy for anything. 

\--

“Foggy? Matt?”

Matt jumped at the sound of someone at the door, almost spilling the hospital Jell-O he and Foggy and been sharing.  He had been laughing too hard from old college story Foggy was telling the nurse and hadn’t heard the door open. 

“You’re not one to startle easily Murdock,” Kirsten McDuffie said as she stepped into the room, “You doing okay?”  

“Oh, I was just startled by how beautiful your voice sounds today,” Matt waved a hand in her direction, and put on his sweetest smile. 

She still didn’t fall for it.  She raised an amused eyebrow and sat down in the other chair next to Foggy’s bed.  As the nurse left, laughing to herself at the scene, Kirsten pulled a newspaper from her bag. 

“It seems Daredevil hasn’t been seen in a while,” She said, showing her copy of the Daily Bugle to Foggy, “I thought you might know something about that,”

“Me?” Matt smiled, happily falling into their familiar banter, “I haven’t seen him recently either, maybe he took a vacation?”

Kirsten huffed at that, and turned to Foggy.  “So, how are you doing Mr. Nelson?”

Foggy looked up from the paper, and said, “I’m fine I guess.  My chemo starts tomorrow, and I really want some fries, but other than that I’m doing okay right now,”

“Fries, hmm…I’m sure I can fix that at least,” She turned back to Matt, “Do you want to accompany me?” The tone of her voice made it obvious that it wasn’t really a question. 

“Of course,” Matt said, grabbing his cane and standing with her.  He waved goodbye to Foggy and headed out the door. 

They walked side by side, without saying anything, which worried Matt greatly.  When they reached the street, he finally got the nerve to ask, “Is there something bothering you?”

“Matt…” She started, obviously trying to find the right words, “I know it’s a tough time for you right now, but I think it would be best to just get this over with,”

Matt stopped walking, and Kirsten turned to him, “I know you didn’t get to ‘see’ that paper I just gave Foggy, but page five is full of speculation on how _I’m_ doing since the disappearance of Daredevil,” She huffed again, “Nothing on the major case I just settled, or on how awesome I’d be as DA,

“I don’t blame you, you tend to overshadow anyone next to you,” She continued as she started walking again, “But I can’t be a supporting player in the ‘Adventures of Daredevil.’  I need to be the star in my own life,” She stopped at the nearest stand and ordered some fries. 

“So, you’re breaking up with me?” Matt asked, stunned.    

“Let’s be real Matt, why did you start dating me in the first place?” She handed him a carton of fries, and took a seat on the nearest bench. 

“Because you’re a wonderful person and I enjoy spending time with you?” He said, “And Foggy tells me you’re gorgeous,”

Kirsten laughed quietly, and Matt wished for the hundredth time that he could still hear the small noise she made when she smiled.  “You do know that we don’t need to date to spend time together, right?” She asked, her voice suddenly laced with incredulous concern, “Don’t tell me you’ve dated everyone you met and vaguely liked.  Matt there is this thing called being friends,”

“I don’t vaguely like you,” Matt said, waving a hand to dispel Kirsten’s concern with a smile, “I _really_ like you, but I understand what you’re saying,”

“Thank you,” She said quietly, “I-,” She paused trying to get her thoughts in order, “I really like you Matt, and I think we could have been great together, but I feel like it would really be best for both of us if we just stayed friends,”

Matt nodded.  “I’d like that,” he said, smiling at her to make sure she knew he meant it. 

He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t sad about it all, but something in him knew that a superhero dating the next New York District Attorney was not the best idea.  It probably would have ended with her accidentally calling the cops on him or something. 

“Good,” Kirsten said, “I would hate to lose you Matt,” She leaned over, and kissed him lightly on the cheek.  “But I think your heart’s been somewhere else this whole time anyway,”

Matt, stunned by this concept, turned to her, and said, “Wait, would you mind telling me exactly where my heart has been?”

She sighed sadly, “I can’t believe you haven’t figured it out yet, you’ve known him since what? College?”

Matt continued to sit there, confused and probably looking like an idiot. 

“You’re honestly one of my best friend, and I’m glad this went well,” she continued with a soft smile, “I’ll be back soon to visit Foggy again.  Take care of yourself Matt,”

As Kirsten walked away and Matt lost the sound of her footfalls in the crowd, his brain final caught up with her train of thought.  It hit him like a punch to the gut. 

_She thinks I’m in love with Foggy._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the comics, Matt refused to learn the identity of Spider-Man to help protect him, and since this is from Matt's POV, I ended up only referencing him as Spider-Man. I feel like it sounds a little awkward, but you can just blame Matt.

_Foggy?_

Matt walked back to the hospital in a kind of haze.  His thoughts were so fixed on what Kirsten had said that he kept bumping into people walking by.  He probably would have stumbled into half of New York if the building hadn’t been so close.

By the time he reached the elevator, he figured out that it wasn’t the wildest leap of logic for Kirsten to make.  Since he and Foggy had met, they spent nearly all their time together, from late night study sessions at Columbia to starting a law firm.

Matt could still remember the first few months he knew Foggy, when it had been a hell of impossibly loud snoring and the overbearing smell of Cheetos.  But then things had changed.  He had realized that there was a person, an _amazing_ person, under all the other stuff.

A guy who was unbelievably generous and a brilliant lawyer; who did all kinds of little cute things only Matt seemed to notice; who was loyal to a fault, and continued to surprise him every day.  Through everything, Foggy was the one person who was always there.  Without him, Matt probably would have lost his mind ages ago. 

Matt would follow him to the ends of the earth and back.  Matt would take a bullet for him in a heartbeat. 

 _What if…?_   His brain barely began to entertain the thought, when the elevator door opened with a ding, and a group of doctors started to flood in.  He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts, and pushed his way out into the hallway. 

He made his way to Foggy’s room quickly, just wanting to hear him, be near him, and be reassured that he hasn’t been totally misjudging his feelings for years.  

“Mmm,” Foggy rubbed his hands together, and grabbed the fries Matt had practically forgotten he was carrying.  As Foggy dug in he asked, “Where’s Kirsten?”

“She had to go,” Matt said distractedly as he sat down, trying to wrangle his thoughts and everything else back to some form of normal.

“You sure you’re okay Matty?” Foggy asked half-way through a fry, “You’ve seemed a little off recently.  And there’s this whole thing,” When his hand became free, he handed Matt the paper Kirsten had left. 

He ran his hands over it numbly and asked, “What does it say?”

Foggy froze for a minute, and then said, “Why can’t you read it?  Did something happen to your hands?”

Foggy was moving to get up, his fries forgotten, but was pulled back down when his IV tube got tangled in the sheets. 

“No, no, I’m fine,” Matt hurried to help Foggy lay back down.  This is exactly why he couldn’t tell him the truth.  Foggy shouldn’t have another thing to worry about, he already had _cancer_.  Matt fumbled for an excuse, then just settled for the truth, “I’m…Kirsten and I just broke up,”

“Oh,” Foggy said, surprised, “I’m sorry Matty.  I know how much you liked her,”

“It’s fine, we were both on the same page about it,” Matt tried to dispel any pity he may have created, since he definitely didn’t deserve that.  “Anyway, what were you saying about the paper?”

Foggy didn’t seem ready to really let the Kirsten thing go, but changed the subject anyway.  “I just hadn’t realized how long it’s been since you were out saving people and everything.  The paper says it’s been weeks since that thing in Time’s Square.  The fact that you’ve got some reporter speculating that you died has me very concerned,”

“Don’t be, I’m totally okay,” Matt tried to dispel his friend’s fears, “Still all here,”

Foggy nodded dubiously, “Sure, but why haven’t you been doing your normal thing?  I thought you started to go stir crazy after just a few nights inside,”

Matt wavered for a second, trying to decide how close to the truth he could get. 

“I want to be here for you, the way you’ve always been for me,” He said, leaning in close enough to rest a hand on Foggy’s, “I need you to be okay,”

Foggy sighed, and put his other hand on Matt’s arm.  “Matty, I’m going to be fine, but there are all kinds of people out there,” he vaguely waved his hand towards the window, “who need you too,”

Matt nodded, and tried to hold his face steady.  He couldn’t let Foggy see that it was killing him that he couldn’t help all those people anymore. He had to be strong.

For him. 

\--

 “Sorry I must be in the wrong room, I was looking for the nurse’s lounge,”

“Ha, ha, very funny,” Foggy said weakly from his bed. 

Matt forced himself to keep smiling, even as the sound of his friend in this much pain was tearing him up on the inside. 

“How’s the chemo?” Matt asked as he stepped into the room. 

“More intensive,” Foggy said the fatigue evident in every word, “Thanks for coming Matty…This is one of those nights I really need you,”

Matt nodded and placed his hand on Foggy’s shoulder. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” He said. 

Foggy smiled weakly and laid back on the pillow.  Matt pulled the nearest chair over and settled into his usual vigil.  He knew he wasn’t going anywhere tonight. 

Foggy had family, but they had never been close.  It bothered him, Matt could tell, no matter how many times he tried to brush it off.  He could still remember when Foggy was almost expelled from school by a shitty professor with an axe to grind; through all the tears, Matt could tell that his friend was more scared of how his parents would react than what it actually meant for his career. 

He couldn’t stand to see someone so amazing crippled by a fear of someone who was supposed to love them.   After putting the professor in his place, Matt always made a point of offering to spend Holidays with Foggy.  They may have almost burned to dorm building down a few times, but it was still his best Thanksgivings since his dad had died. 

He smiled at the memory, as Foggy’s quiet “Matt?” broke into his thoughts. 

“Yeah?”

“…How do you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Be fearless,”

It took Matt by surprise and for a second he just stared in Foggy’s general direction, astounded by the idea that his friend needed advice on this. 

Matt huffed, and shook his head.  “Foggy, how many villains have threatened to kill me and everyone I love over the years?”

Foggy gave him a questioning look, but answered anyway, “I don’t know, a bunch I guess.  I lost count somewhere after Stilt-Man,”

Matt grinned at that, and then continued, “And you stood by me next to all of it.  Even though you were in danger, you never left,”

Foggy shrugged, “That’s what friends do,”

“Yeah, and it’s also pretty fearless,” Matt said, putting as much meaning into his words as he could, “And that’s not even mentioning all the times you stood up for people who needed help, or how many times you’ve-,” Matt faltered for a second, “-you’ve been hurt and still came back swinging,”

Matt felt Foggy’s hand grab his own and he took it, squeezing slightly to emphasize his point. 

“Thanks Matty,” Foggy said, his voice thick with emotion. 

“I’m just telling the truth,” Matt smiled at Foggy, and hoped his friend was too.  For the millionth time he wished he could still get at least the limited view he used to, just to know when Foggy was happy.

That was all the mattered in the end anyway. 

\--

“I heard about what happened,” Spider-Man said, scaring the hell out of Matt, who had been in the middle of unlocking his apartment door. 

He reached down to pick up his dropped keys and said, “Mind being a little more specific?  There’s been a lot going on in my life recently,” He tried, and failed, to keep the fatigue from his voice. 

The last month had been tough, and it was starting to really wear on him.  Between the law firm, Foggy’s treatment, and his appointments with Hank, Matt wasn’t really sure how he was still upright. 

“I was talking about the former assistant DA, what are you talking about?”

Matt laughed at that.  Kirsten had honestly been one of the few things keeping him together recently. 

She had literally left her job at the Court House to come help at the law firm.  He came into the office one day to find her in Foggy’s office, already taking over his case load.  She was also one of the only people making sure he remembered to eat and sleep. 

“You haven’t talked to any of the Avengers recently I take it?” he said.  Spider-Man seemed puzzled for a moment, so Matt decided to just get the worst part out of the way as quickly as he could.  “I’m not Daredevil anymore,” he said, “and my best friend’s going through chemo,” _And apparently I might have feelings for him_ , was what he didn’t say.  That was a whole other can of worms that he was fine with leaving for later.   

Matt finally got his door open, and stepped into his apartment, leaving his friend in the hallway, stunned.  “Wait, what?”

“Yeah, next time you see Victor Doom, give him a really good punch for me,” Matt said throwing his keys on the counter and pulling two beers from the fridge.  “I really can’t see you anymore, so don’t be afraid to take the mask off,” 

He heard a rustle of fabric, and then felt the other beer leave his hand.  “Matt…I’m so sorry,”

“Don’t be, you couldn’t have done anything,” he said. 

Matt sat down on his couch, and felt the cushion move under him as his friend sat down too.  They sat in silence for a minute, sipping quietly at the beer. 

“What are you going to do now?” Spider-Man asked. 

Matt sighed.  He hadn’t gotten much time to breathe since he woke up like this.  Thoughts of the future hadn’t really even entered his brain yet. 

“I honestly have no idea,” he said, shaking his head, “I guess I’ll finally be able to catch up on the years of sleep I’ve missed,” He smiled, and knew the younger man was too. 

They didn’t say much else, just slowly sipped their beers, but honestly it was the most relaxing thing Matt had done in a really long time.  He couldn’t even remember the last time he just sat still without having Foggy tossing and turning nearby, or a huge case in front of him.  

His friend seemed to somehow realize this, and just let the silence continue.  Sometimes Matt forgot that there were other people who got what this was like, who knew what it felt like to spend most of their time behind a mask. 

“If you ever need anything, just call me, okay?” Matt felt a slip of paper getting pushed into his hand.    

“Thanks,” Matt said, looking up towards his friend’s voice, “for this,”  

The rustle of fabric signaled Spider-Man pulling his mask back on.  “Matt…it doesn’t matter whether you can smell the sweat on a guy down the street or recognize someone by their breathing pattern,” There was a squeak as one of his windows was pulled open, “You’re still a good guy who can make a real difference in people’s lives,”

Spider-Man leaped out into the night, saying “See ya later magoo,” over his shoulder as he went.    

Matt stood and made his way to the window, closing it with a smile. 

He was still worried about Foggy and had a confusing swirl of emotions he had yet to decipher, but he felt better than he had in days.

He quietly changed into his sweatpants and threw some food together.  As he ate, he decided to talk to Hank in the morning.  It was time to start letting things go. 

After putting his bowl in the sink, Matt curled up in bed and set out to get some real sleep for once. 

As his eyes began to close, he couldn’t help but think about Foggy, snoring away in his hospital bed.  Matt smiled.  _God, he missed that noise._

\--

“I don’t want to do this anymore,”

Hank turned away from his computer to look at Matt. “Are you sure?”

Matt nervously clenched his hands around his cane, and nodded.  “Yeah,”

Hank sighed, sitting heavily in the nearby chair, “I’m sorry Matt,”

A silence fell over the lab, broken only by the occasional beep or whir of the machinery in the background.

“Thank you for trying,” Matt finally said. 

“I wish I could have actually fixed something,” The regret was obvious in his voice. 

Matt shook his head, “No, please don’t do that to yourself,” He stepped towards Hank, and placed a hand on his shoulder, “You did everything you can, and that’s all I could ask for,”

Hank nodded. 

“I know, but there’s always that nagging in the back of my head,” he said, tapping his skull to emphasize his point, “That thought saying ‘you’ll have a breakthrough if you keep going just a _little_ longer,’”

Matt looked down.  “I just can’t keep this up Hank,” He turned away and found another chair to sit in, “I’m spending all my time between the hospital and the office, and I just don’t have the energy to deal with this anymore,”

“I miss it,” Matt’s voiced hitched slightly, his words stumbling out as they always did when he got emotional, “I miss it _so much._   But…” He took a deep breath, trying to stay under control, “Someone reminded me recently that what I lost doesn’t define me.  I just need to move on.  Focus on what I can still do; help that people that I can,”  

Matt clenched his cane again, and waited for Hank to say something.

“Okay,” Hank said.  He took another breath.  

Matt looked up towards Hank, as the ghost of a smile broke through his pained face, “That actually feels amazing,”

“What?”

“Just admitting that I need to move on,” He took another deep breath, this one not as heavy as the last, “It feels almost…freeing,”

Hank stood and put a comforting hand on his arm, “I’m glad.  It’s honestly probably for the best.  I have a bad habit of hanging on a little too hard sometimes,”

Matt nodded, “Me too,”

Hank sighed quietly.  “God, we are a depressing pair aren’t we?”

Matt smiled, “At least we’re no Frank Castle,”

Hank chuckled, “Thank god for that,”

\--

“I’m going to save a bunch on shampoo,” Foggy smiled weakly as Kirsten pulled the clippers from the bag. 

Matt, standing at the foot of the bed, smiled back to reassure him. 

Plugging the razor into the nearest outlet, Kirsten turned to Foggy and asked, “You sure about this?”

“Yes,” Foggy said still managing to sound exasperated, even though he had puked up most of his breakfast an hour earlier.

“The real question you should be asking,” he continued, the smirk evident in his voice, “is whether my new look will finally make _me_ ,” He jabbed a finger towards himself, “the hot one,” 

Kirsten’s laugh split the air, and after a pause, Matt began to laugh too.  He shook his head, grinning.

“I’m sure all the nurses will be fawning over you soon enough,” She flipped on the clippers and began leaning over Foggy’s bed. 

“Wait,” Foggy held up a hand, stopping Kirsten, “Can…Matty do it?”

Kirsten gave him a look.  “You want the _blind_ man to shave your head?”

“We’ll it can’t be that hard,” Foggy said, “And haven’t you been saying he’s Daredevil? If he can scale buildings and take down super villains, I think he can cut some hair,”

Kirsten smirked, but handed Matt the clippers all the same, “Here you go.  Please, don’t accidentally kill him,”

“I’ll try,” He said with a smile, trying to hide his actual nerves.  He tried not to think about how many ways he could screw this up, all of which would force him to admit that he had been lying to his friends. 

Matt and Kirsten switched places, with her taking up his stop at the end of the bed.  The mattress shifted under him as Matt sat down next to Foggy, and reached carefully over to find his friend’s face. 

His fingers lightly brushed across Foggy’s cheek and up into the scruff of his remaining hair.  Matt could feel his friend’s breath on his arm as he gently tilted Foggy’s head towards him.

He lightly moved the clippers across the back of Foggy’s head, feeling the slight resistance as it moved across his skin.  Little clumps of hair began to fall onto the sheets, tickling Matt’s arms slightly as they fell. 

This was the closest they had been in a while.  Matt remembered the last time he had heard Foggy’s breathing rush past his ear, during the hug they had shared after the diagnosis. 

It felt good to be here again, surrounded by familiar sensations that needed no new interpretation.  No matter how many distractions competed for his attention, here he was still surrounded by that world that was 100% Foggy. 

Matt’s thoughts drifted as he continued the slow, methodic process.  As he often did, he thought of what Kirsten had said.  Foggy was his _best friend_ , so of course he loved him. 

But what if there was more?  What if that closeness and compassion that he always associated with him meant something else?  No matter what Matt tried to do, he couldn’t answer the questions that kept filling his head.  Instead he just focused on the matter at hand, helping him get better. 

He continued to shave, now moving on to the top of the head.  He gently brought his hand to the back of Foggy’s neck and tilted his head to make it easier.  His friend complied quietly, his breath hot on Matt’s neck and chest now.  It was hard to ignore how it sent shivers up his spine. 

Matt suddenly became very aware of Kirsten, still standing quietly at the foot of the bed.  “How am I doing?” he asked, suddenly breaking the silence. 

Kirsten paused for a second, then said in a quiet tone that Matt couldn’t decipher, “…you’re doing fine,”

“Good,” he said.  There were at least a few witty comments that went through his mind, but he ignored them, going instead for the simple, “I’m glad,”

Matt leaned back, and lightly moved his fingers over his friend’s head, checking that he had finished.  “Hope I didn’t miss a spot,”

“Nah, it’s good,” Foggy said, rubbing his own hands over his head, marveling at how different it felt. 

“Hmm,” Kirsten started, and Matt knew she was thinking up a new tease, “I don’t know Matt; you may have some competition,”

Matt grinned. “Oh really?” he said, and Foggy laughed beside him, “We’ll have to see about that,”

\--

As soon as Matt stepped out of the elevator he knew something was wrong.  He couldn’t even really place what felt so strange to him, but that gut reaction had been saving his life for years so he wasn’t going to start ignoring it now. 

There was a larger-than-normal clump of people standing around the waiting room TV, but he went right past.  He wanted to make sure Foggy was okay; that this uncomfortable worry tugging at him didn’t mean the worst. 

“Are you okay?” Matt asked as soon as he stepped into the room. 

Foggy seemed puzzled but still replied, “As good as I could hope for, why do you ask?”

“Nothing, just wanted to check,” Matt started pacing in front of Foggy’s bed, which didn’t stop his friend’s concerns in the least. 

“What’s up with you today?”

“I don’t know,” He said distractedly.  As if on cue, some of the people crowding the waiting room TV gasped. 

“What the hell is going on?” Foggy sat up in bed and fumbled around till he found the remote.  Matt glanced out into the hall at the crowd, now talking quietly to themselves, just as his phone buzzed in his pocket. 

“Something big,” Matt said tensely as Foggy started to flip through the channels, trying to find a news station.  He pulled out his phone and swiped across the screen to ignore the call.  The office could wait for now. 

“Okay, here we go,” Foggy said as he found a news station and sat back to watch. 

“…This news may be shocking to many in the New York area,” The woman behind the desk said, as Matt’s phone buzzed again. 

He pulled it out again, but this time he answered.  As soon as he put the receiver to his ear, Kirsten’s frantic voice cut in, “Answer the phone Matt!”

“I’m here, I’m here!” He reassured her before she could get any more upset, “What’s wrong?”

“Where are you?” She asked; Matt suddenly became aware of how worried she sounded. 

Matt replied, confused, “With Foggy, why?”

“I’m coming over right now,”

She hung up, and he put his phone back in his pocket and turned towards the TV, just in time to hear Foggy’s quiet, “Oh my god Matt,”

They were showing footage of what happened, and amid the gunshots and yells, the reporter was saying, “Here’s another look at the footage, as New York’s own Daredevil, still in his iconic costume, was filmed robbing a bank at gunpoint.  The ensuing shootout caused the critical injury of two police officers, and the so-called hero was then able to escape to the roofs with his state-of-the-art grappling hook,”

The reported continued to describe the event, but Matt had stopped listening.  He clenched his hands into fists as a slow and burning anger started to spread through him.

“Matt, who the hell would do this?” Foggy upset, turned to him and asked, “Who would want to frame you, when you haven’t even been on the streets in weeks?”

“I have no idea Foggy,” Matt shook his head tensely, “But when I find out…”

He didn’t even finish the sentence, as he realized there was nothing he could do, once he found out.  He was stuck here on the ground, with no possibility of fighting back against whoever decided to ruin his life this time. 

It had been eating away at Matt that he hadn’t been able to help anyone else for months, and now he couldn’t even save himself.  It felt like he was back on the school yard, surrounded by bullies, all bigger and stronger than he was, unable to fight back. 

He felt his jaw tense as if preparing for a hit as the reporter played the video again. 

“This is insane,” Foggy said, “I can’t watch this anymore,” he turned it off and threw the remote to the end of the bed.  “You have to get out there Matt, take this person down,” He said angrily, “You can’t let him ruin all the good you’ve done,”

“I’ll try,” Matt said restlessly, already struggling to keep the feeling of worthlessness from settling into his gut, “But first I have to make a few calls,”


	3. Chapter 3

_This headache is going to kill me,_ Matt thought as he rubbed his temple.  His desk was overflowing with paperwork for his latest case, and the coffee in his mug had gone cold hours ago.  He groaned and put his head on the desk, not caring that the braille was digging into his skin. 

“What’s this?  Sleeping on the job?”

Matt hastily sat up while brushing his hair back into place and plastering on what he hoped was a hansom grin.

“Of course not, then I wouldn’t be able to hear you’re wonderful voice,” He said. 

From her spot in the doorway, Kirsten broke out laughing. 

“What is it?” Matt asked, straightening his glasses and squirming slightly.  It only made her laughed harder. 

Kirsten finally pulled herself together.  The smile was evident in her voice as she said, “You’ve got braille on your forehead,”

Matt reached up and rubbed at the little dents in his skin and frowned.

“Have you been here all night?  When was the last time you took a break?”  Kirsten asked as she made her way over to lean on the corner of his desk, “I know that the past few weeks have been rough, but working yourself to death isn’t going to fix anything,”

Matt waved his hand and said, “I’m fine, don’t worry,” 

“ _Sure_ ,” Her voice dripped with sarcasm, as she started picking up the files in front of him, “Yeah, you’re done,”

“What do you mean? This is _my_ practice, I can work as long as I want,” Matt said, trying to reach for the files, but knowing he had already lost. 

“You keep telling yourself that when you drop dead from exhaustion,” Kirsten dropped the papers on a nearby chair and grabbed Matt’s coat sleeve.  “Right now I’m taking you home,”

Matt couldn’t help wagging his eyebrows and saying “Really?” as he leaned in close. 

Kirsten snorted at that, and replied, “Not when your breath smells like that,” 

“What?” Matt said bewilderedly as she grabbed his cane from where it rested against the wall, and pulled him after her out the door.  As they crossed the office, the secretary began to say something, only to be stopped by the determination in Kirsten’s face. 

When they finally stepped into the elevator, after a paused, she turned to him and said, “Oh, drop that look, it doesn’t really smell that bad.  I just wanted to catch you off balance,”

Matt shook his head, “No it’s not that,” Kirsten didn’t seem to believe him but he continued anyway, “I just…You continue to surprise me Miss McDuffie,”

“Good,” She said with a smile.

\--

Matt’s fridge was pitifully stocked compared to normal, so Kirsten decided to just order some takeout.  As they waited for it to arrive, Kirsten flipped through the channels on his TV. 

“Huh,” She said, “I wouldn’t have thought Stark would get so far on that dancing show,”

Matt laughed, “Yeah,”

“You wouldn’t happen to know him personally?” She turned towards him, the challenge evident in her voice. 

“Oh, no,” Matt said waving a hand lazily, “I only see him in the papers, just like everyone else,”

She huffed good-naturedly, and turned back towards the TV.  Matt kept smiling, still so grateful that Kirsten was still here, still wanted to spend time with him.  Sometimes it felt like the only person who ever stuck around was Foggy, but here she was, even thought he had done nothing to deserve it. 

Eventually she flipped to a news channel, where the analysts continued to speculate about Daredevil’s new, dark turn.  She flipped away quickly, giving him a sympathetic look at the same time. 

This week the imposter had been found preparing to torch a tenement by the docks.  Every time this villain, whoever he was, hurt someone else, and got away, Matt could feel himself losing hope. 

As soon as the news broke, he’d been called to the Avenger’s Mansion.  It was obvious that something had to be done, and everyone who could, started trying to find the pretender.  So far, there was nothing.  _If only I could be out there,_ Matt thought almost every day, _He’s obviously after me, so I could easily draw him out._

But here he was, stuck on the couch. 

There was a knock at the door, and Matt rose to get the food.  As he opened the door, Kirsten’s phone went off. 

“Hello?  Yeah, I’m with him,” She said, looking over towards Matt as he signed for the food, and started carrying it into the kitchen.  She put her hand on the receiver for a moment, and told him, “It’s the office,” Matt nodded and put the bag of food on the counter. He must have left his phone on his desk in Kirsten’s rush to get him out the door. 

“Wait, are you crying?” She asked suddenly, concerned. 

Something very near fear started to rise in Matt’s chest. 

“Oh my god…” Kirsten put a hand over her mouth and turned to look at him. 

His pulse roared in his hears.   

“Matt….It’s Foggy,”

In seconds he had the phone in his hand, asking roughly, “What happened?”

The voice of his secretary was wobbly and strained as she said, “The doctors have been trying to reach you, Mr. Murdock.  The say he’s in a lot of pain…and that he might not…,” she paused, trying to compose herself, but Matt was already dropping the phone. 

He shoved on some shoes, grabbed his cane and was out the door before Kirsten could even respond.  She yelled something after him, but the only thing Matt could make out was his own frantic heart-beat and the sound of his shoes hitting the floorboards. 

 _There is no excuse_ , Matt’s thoughts were yelling at him as he ran, a constant stream of everything he did wrong, _you should have been there.  He’s scared and dying.  You’re going to lose him and you weren’t even there to say goodbye -_

His foot caught on a crack in the sidewalk and he fell, his face hitting the cement hard, and his cane bouncing away from him. 

Matt was distantly aware of people standing over him and talking.  Someone grabbed his shoulder and helped pull him upright.  There was a dull ache building in his skull, and his glasses had broken in the fall.  He reached around, numbly looking for his cane, until someone handed it to him. 

“Hey man, are you okay? You should be more careful,” someone said, as Matt tried to find his sense of direction again.  He used to know this city like the back of his hand, but now he was stuck in the dark, trying desperately to find his way. 

“Here, let me get you a cab,” someone else said.  Matt nodded, but couldn’t keep the bitter thoughts from flooding back.  _If you hadn’t lost your senses, you would have been there by now, Foggy wouldn’t be dying alone.  You’re lost and broken._

Someone took his arm and led him to sit in the cab.  He knew that they were doing too much, that he could still take care of himself, but his helpless thoughts had taken over. 

The cab rumbled along, taking him to the hospital, but it was so painfully slow.  By the time it had finally pulled to a stop, Matt felt like he was going to collapse from all the pain and regret pilling into his head.  The only thing that got him to step onto the sidewalk was the tiny thought of _maybe_.

That little spark of hope rushed him through the doors and up the stairs.  He ran all the way to Foggy’s room, bumping into more than one nurse along the way and almost falling again.  Then he reached the door. 

“Foggy?” Matt’s voice was ragged, but it still carried over the completely silent room.  He strained to hear something, _anything,_ but was left with nothing but a hollow feeling.  He shuffled in quietly and put a hand on the bed.

Empty. 

He clenched the sheets in his fists and fell to his knees. 

Time passed, he wasn’t sure how much.  His head had become a haze of regret and miserable pain, with only one thought breaking through. 

_I never got to tell him._

And it suddenly became so horribly clear. 

_Of course I loved him._

Matt’s tears stung his cheeks. 

_And now he’s gone._

“Mr. Murdock?” someone behind him said.  Matt didn’t turn around, just leaned his forehead against the side of the bed.  Whoever it was stepped closer and put a hand on his arm.  He tried to shrug it off, but the grip only got tighter. 

“I want to be alone,” Matt managed to choke out.  The grip on his arm got even stronger and was starting to become painful. 

The man leaned down and whispered harshly in his ear, “Oh now, Mr. Murdock, if you ever want to see your friend alive again, you should really listen to what I have to say,”

Matt looked up sharply, everything he was feeling replaced by a burning rage. 

Muscle memory took over and he twisted out of the man’s grip, pinning him in seconds. 

“Where is he?” Matt hissed, his hands around the other man’s throat. 

“Matt!” Kirsten yelled as she reached the door.  She ran over and tried to pull him off, but he barely moved, only leaning in closer to the stranger’s face. 

“What did you do to him?” He practically growled, his fingernails starting to draw blood. 

“Matt!  You’re going to kill him!” Kirsten yanked on his arms, as nurses came running in behind her.   Together they finally pulled him away. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Kirsten grabbed him by the shoulders and forced him to sit down on the other side of the room. 

The stranger waved off the nurses, saying, “I’m fine, it was only a momentary lapse, right Mr. Murdock?”

Matt seethed, but stayed where he was as Kirsten reassured the nurses. 

When they were alone again, Kirsten turned back to them and crossed her arms.  “Now will someone tell me what’s going on?”

“Well, Miss McDuffie,” The stranger said, “It’s really quiet simple.  You’re friend here is going to finally meet with my employer or Foggy Nelson is going to die,”

Kirsten inhaled sharply, and Matt clenched his fists. 

“And it would be such a shame too,” he continued, “He really was such an extraordinary man,”

It took everything in Matt’s power not to throw himself at the man again, as he strutted across the room saying “I’ll be in touch,” over his shoulder. 

After the stranger swept out, the room fell back into a shocked silence until Kirsten took a step towards him. 

“Matt?” she asked tentatively.

He took a deep breath and tried to let out some of the tension.  So much has happened in so little time, and he needed to take back some control, even if it was just of his own body. 

“I’m not Daredevil,”

“Matt this is not the time-”  

“I haven’t been Daredevil for months,” Matt cut in, his voice thick. 

“What do you mean?” She asked, her words full of trepidation and worry. 

Matt rubbed his palms on his pants and tried to find a way to explain everything that had happened, without scaring off the only good, steady thing he still had going at this point.

“When I was blinded, all my other senses where heightened,” he said carefully, “But they were taken from me.  I haven’t put on the suit since,”

Kirsten carefully stepped forward, “Matt…” She reached forward and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a hug.  He fell into it and encircled her smaller frame with his own.  “You don’t have to explain it all right now, there’ll be time for that later,” She said, as she pulled away, still keeping her hands on his arms, “Right now, we just have to figure out what to do next,”

Matt looked towards the floor helplessly, “But what can we do?  Foggy-,” Matt’s breath hitched with the thought of where he was and what they, whoever they are, might be doing to him right now, “Foggy is in danger and there’s nothing I can do!”  He could feel tears start to burn the back of his eyes.  He was going to lose him, _again._

“We don’t know who they are, or what they want.  I can’t fight them, or track them, hell I can barely move!” Matt’s fear and anger at his own helplessness started to rise up inside him again, “I’m useless!  Some guy’s been terrorizing the city, Foggy’s going to die and it’s all my fault!” He pulled himself away from Kirsten and started pacing, clenching his hands into fists.

“Matt,” Kirsten grabbed his arm to stop him, and took his face in her hands, her voice full of conviction “We are going to figure this out, we _are_ going to save Foggy, and you are _not_ useless,”

Matt stared towards her face, and said weakly, “But how?”

Kirsten sighed.  “You’re not used to asking for help are you?”

In any other situation, Matt probably would have had a good comeback to that, but his head wasn’t in it today.  Instead, he just felt the weight of everything that had happened press down on him.  “No,” He said, his voice heavy in guilt, “I’m not,”

Kirsten’s hand on his cheek startled him slightly, but then he leaned into it.  “I know,” she said softly, “But we’re going to need all the help we can get,”

\--

The ticking of the clock echoed across Matt’s silent apartment.  Kirsten alternated between leaning against his table and pacing across the carpet.  Matt sat on the couch and tried to meditate.

It had been days, and they still hadn’t been contacted by the kidnappers.  Matt’s many favors and friends he had called in had tried searching the city, with no success.  He felt guilty, making his friends solve his problems, from the imposter to this, but he had no choice. 

The office still thought Foggy was in the ICU, and the hospital said he had been transferred to some center in Ohio.  And if it was connected to the fake Daredevil, like he suspected, it was clear that whoever was behind this was obviously gifted at manipulating information. 

But they still couldn’t seem to pick up the goddamn phone.  Matt huffed tensely and finally gave up on trying to keep his breathing even. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” he said. 

Kirsten stopped pacing and turned towards him, “Matt, there’s nothing else we can do,” She said.

Matt clenched his hands into fists and moved towards the old punching bag in the corner.  “I know,” He said tensely as he felt for the worn canvas, “But I can’t just sit here,” He lightly tapped the bag, making sure he knew where it was, and then let his reflexes take over.  He released a flurry of punches, reveling in the feeling of his knuckles on the rough surface. 

When he finally stopped, gulping to catch his breath, he realized that Kirsten had come up behind him.  “You must be getting soft, that didn’t look very hard,” She teased, her good-natured tone strained by her own fears. 

Matt tried to smile but instead just ended up sighing heavily.  He felt Kirsten’s arms snake around his middle and pull him into a backwards hug.  He leaned into it as much as he could without knocking her over. 

“What did I do to deserve you?” Matt whispered. 

“It must have been something good, because you’re sweaty and gross as hell,” Kirsten said, her voice muffled by his back. 

“I know it’s impossible for you to think straight right now,” She continued, “But you need to stop punishing yourself.  You’re one of the bravest, nicest, best people that I have ever met, and you may have trouble  accepting it, but there was nothing you could have done to prevent this,”

As Matt began to respond, there was a noise from the door.  Matt moved quickly to the other side of the room and found an envelope and been pushed under the door.  He swung the door open, only to find a silent, empty hall. 

As he tried to pick up on anyone, anything, Kirsten stooped to pick up the envelope.  She tore it open and pulled out a single sheet of paper. 

“It’s an address, down by the docks,” She said, reading it off. 

“Probably a warehouse,” Matt said, nodding, “Makes sense.  It’s hard to make a surprise attack in a big open floorplan,” He grabbed his cane, and started for the door.  He was stopped by Kirsten’s hand on his arm. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” she asked, pulling him back, “You can’t just barge in on your own, we need backup,” 

Matt was tempted to brush off her hand and just leave, but something in him conceded that she was right.  He was just _so close._   After days of waiting and worrying and praying, he finally had something he could do to help.  He could walk into a warehouse and talk circles around some maniac even on his worst day.

And he needed to see Foggy.   

“I need to do this, Kirsten,” he said, “I need to do one last good thing,”

“Matt,” She said, reaching up and grabbing both his shoulders now, “Stop.  Foggy needs you, but he doesn’t need you to get killed,”

Even though he knew what she was saying was true, Matt couldn’t help but think that that would be a good way to go, doing exactly what he always set out to do: protecting the ones he loves. 

Then he felt Kirsten’s warm pulse through her hand, and realized with a jolt how scared she was.  That quick beat broke through his thoughts as he realized Kirsten would probably never forgive him if he got himself killed, especially if it was in some blaze of self-sacrificing glory.  He didn’t even want to think about what it would do to Foggy. 

“Okay,”

She released a tense breath and nodded, “Thank you,”

She finally let go of him, and he turned to pick up his phone, while she paused thoughtfully. 

“First, we’d better get you looking the part,” Kirsten said pointing to him, “Now, where do you keep the suit?”


	4. Chapter 4

The distant dripping of water reverberated through the building, broken only by the sound of Matt’s boots on the cement. 

“Look who decided to finally show up,” Matt could tell it was the same man from the hospital, from both his voice and over-bearing tone. 

“Where is he?” Matt’s voice was a threatening rumble. 

“Follow me,” the man said, stepping lightly towards the back wall.  Matt couldn’t tell exactly what he did, but there was a click and a whoosh and the section of wall swung open, revealing a hallway. 

At the end of the hall was a spiral set of stairs, which Matt cautiously started to make his way down.  Those stairs eventually led to another hall, which led to another staircase.  The maze of passageways effectually skewed any sense of direction he had, and made any idea of escape almost impossible. 

 There was a small buzz in his ear, “I’m losing your signal,” Hank said anxiously, “They’re obviously going to a lot of trouble to cut you off, Matt, I don’t like the looks of this, I-” The transceiver cut out with a crackle.  Matt tensed slightly at the sound, but tried not to show it as he followed the man down deeper. 

Where ever they were headed, Matt was totally on his own now, with no idea how he was going to get back out.  He could already feel the adrenaline pumping through his system, and this turn of events wasn’t helping. 

Finally they reached the last door.  The man opened it with an easy push and then led Matt inside. 

“Just had to make sure you weren’t being tracked or followed by anybody,” the man said as he swung the door closed behind him with an ominous bang.  A tense sensation started to form at the pit of Matt’s stomach and he tried to force it away, telling himself it wasn’t fear.

Matt started to ask what was going on, but was silenced by a sudden sharp pain at the back of his head.  He cried out and fell to the floor as everything faded to black. 

\--

Matt was startled awake by a boot shoving him in the shoulder.  He groaned and rolled over onto his stomach, his head pounding. 

He tried to pull himself up, only managing to get his knees under him. 

“I’m disappointed Daredevil,”

The voice was like ice, leeching any of the remaining warmth from him.  “I should have guessed it would be you,” he said as he struggled to a standing position. 

Lady Bullseye moved the tip of her sword to Matt’s throat.  “It took much more effort than expected to draw you out.  We planned on weakening you, making you suffer, but this is a very sad show,” She said coolly, “You didn’t even look for us, letting others do your dirty work,” she huffed, “I thought you were above that,” 

“And I didn’t think you would ever threaten a dying man, so I guess we’re both a disappointment,” He said through gritted teeth. 

She moved her sword away and turned from him, “I never had much faith in you anyway,” she said. 

Matt could tell she was losing interest, about to leave whatever cell they had thrown him in. 

“But what does Foggy have to do with any of this?  You were only ever interested in me, just let him go,”

Lady Bullseye turned back towards him, “Oh don’t worry about him,” the smile evident in her voice raised the hair on the back of his neck, “We’re saving him for something special,”

She slammed the door behind her and turned a deadbolt on the other side, trapping Matt with nothing but his thoughts and a throbbing headache.  

The room had no windows, only four solid walls and the door that didn’t even have a handle on the inside.  After Matt felt his way around the whole room twice, he sat himself in the corner farthest from the door and tried to not pass out. 

Whatever they’d hit him with was still wreaking havoc on his head, and it was all he could do to stay vaguely upright. 

Matt was trying desperately to keep the fear at bay and figure this out, but with no idea where he was or who Lady Bullseye was working with, he was totally in the dark. 

He could feel everything he cared about falling through his fingers, and it was killing him.  _Who was he to think he could just walk in and save everyone?  How could he be that naïve?  Hadn’t he already lost enough to know nothing it’s never that easy?_

Matt balled his hands into fists and pushed his head into the wall behind him.  He had been fighting this sense of worthlessness for months, and he could feel it finally taking over, washing over him in waves.

The sudden sound of the door opening broke Matt from his thoughts, and he pulled himself up.  If he couldn’t go out fighting, he was at least going to do it on his own two feet.

“Come with me,” the newcomer said. 

Matt didn’t budge.  “Unless you’re taking me to Foggy, I’m not moving,”

The man chuckled, “Oh really?  We’ll see about that,” 

The sound of heavy boots on the tile floor signaled the entrance of multiple new people.  Two of them grabbed his arms and roughly pulled him across the room and out the door. 

They dragged him down a hall and up a flight of stairs, his feet stumbling on the steps as they pulled him along.  As soon as they stepped in the new hallway, Matt was hit by a wave of chilling, stale air.  The smell of decay and dust was heavy, and somewhere nearby an old light buzzed and sparked loudly.  Wherever they were, it was falling down around them. 

The men stopped moving suddenly and threw him roughly to his knees, the uneven boards painfully digging in to his knees. 

“Wow, you have gotten soft,” The Owl.  _Of course._  

“I don’t know, I _always_ thought he was getting by on pure luck,” The Jester said from his other side. 

“And now,” Lady Bullseye moved next to Matt and leaned in towards his face, “you’re lucks finally run out,”

Matt didn’t respond.  He was surrounded, with no backup in sight, and no way to fight back.  There was no hope of a way out, no way to save Foggy, and the pain in his chest was threatening to swallow him whole. 

“What, no witty reply?” Owlsley said, “Maybe you have finally given up,” Lady Bullseye’s boot came out of nowhere and shoved him painfully in the ribs.  He fell sideways slightly, but still didn’t respond. 

“Come on Daredevil,” She taunted, annoyed, “We’ve already ruined your name, and taken your friend, aren’t you going to fight back?”  Pain exploded along his jaw as her punch threw him down onto the floor.  She forced him onto his back with the sole of her boot, crushing it in on his chest. 

“We didn’t go through all this trouble just to kill you,” She snarled into his face, “You killed the only person I cared about, and I’m going to make you _suffer_ ,”

“Calm down,” Owlsley said, his voice cutting through the one-sided fight, “We need him conscious right now,”

Lady Bullseye stepped away reluctantly, and Matt rolled to his side trying to catch his breath.  He spit out some blood, and managed to choke out “What are you going to do to Foggy?”

The Jester chuckled, while Owlsley said something under his breath to a nearby thug.  The guard left, her heavy boot falls fading away and stopping.  The grating noise of an old door being hauled open reverberated around them, followed by a new set of footsteps shuffling back towards the room where they waited.

Matt couldn’t normally make it out these days, but in this old, echoing building and with the expectant silence around them, he could hear it clearly.  It was the same heavy footstep that used to mark the return of his infuriating roommate, but soon came to mean so much more. 

“Matt?” Foggy’s weak voice cracked when he saw his friend bleeding on the floor.

“Fogg-” Matt started to say, pulling himself up with a rush of newfound energy, but he was knocked back down by a swift punch. 

“Not yet Murdock, you’ll get to say your goodbyes soon enough,” Owlsley said as Foggy was pushed down to the floor with a gasp of pain that hurt Matt to his core, like he was being stabbed. 

He turned angrily towards Owlsley and practically yelled, “Just cut to the chase already!  You’ve beaten me!  It’s over!  Just kill me and let him go!”

“What do you think we are? Common criminals?” The Jester sneered, and pulled out a paper and shoved it into Matt’s hands.  He numbly looked towards it as the Jester said, “Take a look at tomorrow’s paper, I’m quite proud of it,”

“What does it say?” Matt’s shame crushed his voice till it was was barely a whisper, but somehow everyone in the room was instantly silenced by it. 

“What do you mean?” The Jester asked incredulously, “You can’t see it?  We all know that blind-lawyer gag is just a cover; there’s no way you’re really blind!” his voice rising in pitch as his frustration grew, “You can’t be!” He grabbed the paper and threw it at Matt’s feet, “You can’t distract us with stupid lies like that!”

Owlsley grabbed The Jester and pulled him away from Matt, “Pull yourself together or we’ll be leaving three dead bodies behind,”

The Jester quieted, and turned resentfully back towards Matt, “The paper says that some local police found the body of Franklin Nelson riddled with bullets in an abandoned building , next to Matthew Murdock in his Daredevil costume and dead from a self-inflicted gunshot,”

Matt tensed his hands into fists, as Owlsley said coldly, “We’ve already established you as a villain.  All those hours of news coverage were meant to draw you out, so we could crush you, but when you were reluctant to respond, I came up with a much more elegant plan,”

“The last thing anyone will hear about you is that you murdered your best friend,” The Owl continued  as Matt reached down and picked the paper up again with shaking hands, “Eventually it will replace all the other memories of you and you’ll be just another washed-up hero,”

“Matt, don’t listen to him, he’s trying to get into your head!” Foggy cut in desperately, but was knocked aside with a loud smack. 

“The public is already turning against you, and now you’re friends and family will hate you too.  Then they’ll forget you,” Owsley’s voice was fiery and full of hatred, but it couldn’t cover the noise of the lightbulb off to his side sparking again, “and soon there won’t be a single person left to remember your worthless existence,”

“No,” Matt looked directly towards Owlsley, “I am not worthless,” 

Matt used all his remaining energy to throw himself at Owlsley, pushing the bigger man off his feet, and then ran as fast as he could towards the sparking bulb.  He thrust the newspaper into it, ignoring the way the heat burned his skin.  It caught fire in his hand, the flames quickly beginning to eat away at the flammable paper.

“If I’m going to die, I’m bringing all of you with me,” Matt shoved the paper into a gap in the floor boards, then grabbed the crackling lamp, pulling it down and spreading sparks across the already catching floor boards.  Just as he was about the stick the wires into the nearest wall, he felt an intense pain in his side as Lady Bullseye’s sword ripped through his uniform. 

He doubled over but was able to blindly grab her arm on his way down, taking her with him.  Years of training burned through his muscles and he managed to throw a good punch before scrambling up and running away from the quickly growing flames. 

The Jester yelled out and ran for the nearest door, followed by the hired thugs, while Owlsley roared with rage, and charged towards Matt, grabbing him around the middle and knocking him over.  Pain shot through him on impact, as the deep slice in his side was ripped open ever more. 

He cried out and tried to claw his way out of Owlsley’s grasp, but was held firm under his weight.  The heat was building and his eyes began to water, as Owlsley’s hands closed around his throat.  Matt struggled for breath and tried to overpower the man holding him down and screaming, “You can’t win like this!  I’ve always been better, and I won’t let you w-”

There was a loud thud and Owlsley fell off of him, air suddenly rushing back into Matt’s lungs.  Now there were different hands grabbing at him and pulling him to his feet.  “Matt we have to get out of here before the whole building goes!” Foggy said frantically.

The fire was now a roaring blaze, with heat and smoke billowing off of it.  The building groaned and shifted dangerously.  “It’s not going to last much longer,” Foggy practically yelled, yanking the door open.

Just as Foggy stepped onto the stairs, a bullet whizzed past their heads, embedding itself if the wall.  They leapt back, Matt frantically grabbing Foggy and pulling the door closed.  “They’re not going to let us out, we’ll need another way,” Foggy said, turning to Matt, “Any ideas? Or maybe a plan?”

Matt shook his head, coughing as the smoke started to fill his lungs. 

“Why don’t we just jump from that window?” Foggy asked, as Matt realized what he had doomed them to, “Do you still have your grappling hook?  If you carried me we could-”

Matt reached out and grabbed hold of Foggy, the tears starting to drip down his face, and admitted the one thing he had been holding in for months, “Foggy, I can’t,”

“What?”

“I- I can’t see anything,” As soon as he started, it all came pouring out, all the things he had been keeping from the most important person in his life, “Dr. Doom took my senses months ago…I wanted to tell you, but then you got sick, and I- I just couldn’t,” The building shook as a big beam gave way, but Matt didn’t lose his grip on Foggy. 

“I don’t know where things are, can’t jump off buildings, I can’t-” He faltered, pulling off his mask, and, letting it fall to the ground, his throat constricting, not just from the smoke, “I can’t save you,” He took Foggy’s hand in his, lacing their figures together and wishing desperately that he could give him just one more day, “I’m so sorry,”

There was a moment, were the only thing between them was the smoke and roar of the fire.  Then Foggy grabbed Matt and pulled him into a desperate embrace. 

“Matty,” Foggy chocked out, his voice thick, “Matt, I couldn’t care less about whether you had powers or not,” He almost chuckled sadly at the absurdity of it all, “My god Matty, you’re my best friend in the whole world.  It doesn’t matter what I’m dealing with, you can tell me anything,”

Matt looked towards Foggy’s face.  He couldn’t believe his friend was still so sincere and loving, even as the world fell to pieces around them.  He could feel something inside him breaking, “You deserve so much better than this,” he choked out. 

The building shuddered again, a huge chunk of ceiling falling into the middle of the room.  They jumped back, Foggy pulling Matt after him.  When they stopped moving, Foggy wheezed from the smoke and pulled Matt around to face him again, taking his face in his hands. 

“Matt, there is honestly no place I’d rather be,” Matt’s confused look made Foggy smile, his face smeared with ash, “If you’re going to die, I’m going with you,” 

Matt reached up with his hand, already covered in his own blood from the gash in his side, and pressed it into Foggy’s.  His words were barely a choked whisper as he said,

“I’m in love with you,” 

“Oh, Matty,” The despair in Foggy’s voice hurt Matt like another stab in his side.  There were tears making streaks down Foggy’s dirty cheeks as he said, “Why the hell did you have wait till now to say that,”

Foggy pulled Matt’s whole body towards him in one struggling motion and pressed his lips into Matt’s.  He brought his hands up into Matt’s hair, and desperately pulled him closer.  It was the most devastating kiss Matt had ever experienced; every slide of lips was full of what could have been, even as they grew weaker and eventually became still. 

The building shuddered again, more rubble falling around them as the flames danced along the floor, and up the walls. 

Everything was in slow motion, like they were floating underwater, and even as Matt could feel himself losing conscious, he held onto Foggy like it would keep them together in whatever came next. 

He prayed.  A faint little prayer that seemed like nothing compared to the wall of flames that was almost on top of them; a whisper of words soon lost into nothing as he closed his eyes and felt himself go limp.


	5. Epilogue

The medical monitor beeped steadily next to him.

The sheets were scratchy and his head was rested on a large pile of pillows. 

His whole body hurt. 

“Hey there,” Her voice was soft, and she was obviously tired. 

“What…what happened?”  Matt’s voice was hoarse and his throat hurt.  When he tried to move, Kirsten stood up and careful put a hand on his arm. 

“Whoa there Matt,” she said carefully, “try not to move too much right now,”

Matt stilled and Kirsten sat back down, but kept her hand resting gently on his arm.  “How do you feel?” she asked quietly. 

“Numb mostly,” he said.

She smiled, and said, “Thank god for pain killers,”

They lapsed back into silence for a moment, and Matt’s clouded mind started to finally put things back together.  But there was one very important piece missing. 

“Where’s Foggy?” Matt asked quietly, silently terrified of what her answer might be.  He tensed, preparing for the worst.  It must have showed on his face because Kirsten made a sympathetic noise. 

“He’s okay,” she said quickly, “They say you shielded him from the worst of it,”  She hesitated, unsure of how to say what she needed to, “Matt…You were badly burned.  The doctors say you should recover, but,” she paused again and Matt cut in to save her from having to tell him. 

“I’ll be scarred,” He said softly, “I thought we were going to die,” He felt his fear leaving him, “I can deal with some more scars,”

Kirsten smiled sadly, and when she talked again he voice was more watery, like she might start crying, “I’m so glad you’re okay Matt.  You guys really had me scared there for a while,” 

Matt gently reached his hand over, and placed it on top of hers.  He smiled at her, and said, “I’m glad too,” They lapsed into a comfortable silence again, both just grateful for the other’s presence. 

Matt finally spoke up to ask the other question that had been nagging at him.  “How did we get here? Someone must have pulled us out, but I don’t remember anything,”

“Well,” Kirsten said, “When Hank lost your connection, he called in everyone else.  Hours went by without any sign of you,” she took a breath, “but then that fire showed up on all of Stark’s satellites, and they were able to get there in time, thank god,”

“What about Owlsley?” Matt asked expectantly, “And the others?”

Kirsten patted his hand, “Both Owlsley and that Jester guy were taken into custody.  With some particular pressure on The Jester, they got him to confess to setting up the Daredevil crimes too, but…no one has been able to find Lady Bullseye,”

She was careful with the last part, but Matt just nodded.  Under any other conditions he would probably have felt bitter about her getting away, but he honestly didn’t have the energy to even think about it right now. 

“Oh and by the way,” Kirsten said, the humor in her voice instantly making him feel better, “Captain America is even hotter in real life than on the TV, and you should maybe think about properly introducing us sometime,”

Matt laughed, which felt good, even as the shooting pain in his side tried telling him otherwise. 

“Look who finally decided to wake up,” Foggy said from the door.  Matt looked up quickly towards his friend’s voice. 

“What are you doing up?” Kirsten asked as she turned in her seat towards Foggy, “You should be resting,”

“I wanted to see how Matt was doing,” Foggy shuffled in, moving his IV stand with him, and carefully sat down next to Kirsten, who sighed. 

“The doctors are just going to kick you out again,” she said, then turned to Matt, “They’ve barely been able to keep him in his own room since you guys arrived,”

Matt smiled and hoped Foggy was too.  Kirsten gently squeezed Matt’s arm reassuringly and quietly stood up.  “I’m think I’m going to get some coffee,” she said as she left, “and let you guys have a moment to yourselves,”

After she stepped out of the room, Matt looked down towards his bandaged hands and tried to think of something to say.

“How are you?” He asked in the end, “Really,”

Foggy sighed a little, and replied, “Still have cancer, that hasn’t changed obviously, which sucks, but I think I’m okay other than that,” 

“You think?” Matt asked. 

“Yeah, I-” Foggy faltered for a second, then started over, “Yeah, I think I’m going to be just fine now that you’re awake,” The way he said it alerted Matt that there was something that they hadn’t told him yet. 

“How long was I out?” He asked tentatively. 

“Almost four days,” Foggy said quietly, “I was starting to get scared that this whole surviving thing was for nothing,”

“No,” Matt said, his voice full of conviction as he reached out and found Foggy’s hand, “No matter what happened, it would have been worth it if you survived,”

Foggy sighed warmly.  “I’m smiling like a fool right now, by the way,” he said as he took Matt’s hand in both of his, and carefully kissed Matt’s blistered knuckles.  Matt smiled too and brushed his fingers along Foggy’s cheek.

Without saying a word, Foggy quietly stood and leaned over the bed to gently press his lips against Matt’s. 

It wasn’t anything like the kiss they shared before; it was somehow so much better.  While that moment had been filled with regret and despair for what could have been, this held the bright spark of hope for their future together. 

“Matty,” Foggy murmured, his breath warm on Matt’s face “I love you,”

Matt softly whispered back, “I love you too,”

Then Foggy smiled into Matt’s lips and kissed him again, just as sweet and fine as before.

Warmth spread through Matt, and for the first time in a long time, he felt _good._   When they parted, Matt couldn’t help but grab onto Foggy’s hand again, lacing their fingers together and grinning. 

“I can’t wait till I can _really_ kiss you,” Matt hummed as Foggy continued to hang over the bed with his face close to Matt’s.

“I’m very sad to say, that’s probably not going to be for a while,” Foggy said, “Focus on healing, okay?”

“Shouldn’t I be telling you that?” Matt asked as Foggy dragged the chair closer to the bed and sat down again, never letting their hands part. 

“Don’t worry about me,” Foggy said, shaking his head dismissively, “I’ll be fine,”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Matt said, squeezing Foggy’s hand. 

“Me too,” Kirsten said from the door, then she walked in with a Styrofoam coffee cup and leaned against Matt’s bed, “Though you guys may want to think about moving somewhere with a few less supervillains,”

Kirsten said it in a way that didn’t seem one-hundred-percent serious, but the idea struck Matt.  He turned to Foggy. 

“What do you think?” Matt asked, “Want to try out a new city with me?  Find someplace you can focus on getting better?”

“Wherever you go, I’ll follow,” Foggy said, “Though don’t even think about moving until the doctors say it’s okay,”

“Since both my employers seem to be headed out of town,” Kirsten said, “I might as well come along to keep you two in check,”

Matt looked between the two people he cared about most in this world, and felt a huge smile spread across his face. 

“ _Nelson, Murdock, and McDuffie_ ,” He said happily, “I can’t argue with that,”

**Author's Note:**

> This is the longest thing I have ever written, and I can't believe it's finally done. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
